i am not skilled to understand...

new slang. thats the song playing right now. my life has definitely learned a "new slang". its like i know exactly what this "new slang" is, but i don't understand it. only He can understand it. every thought, every feeling, every emotion in my heart... i can not understand it, yet He can.

once again my life has spun another 180 degrees... but instead of going back to the original half of life's circle, it spun in a new and completely different direction. that's what i love about life. it can be repetative, or amazingly different and unexpected. lets update in bullet form (since i am anal about how i write):

• no more conrad. its crazy to think that last time i wrote we were about to get married, and now we are hardly friends. i mean, we are friends, but just... idk. i'm so so grateful for that relationship, and everything about it. every single part of that time with conrad has taught me something about myself that i can now use and apply to my life. its amazing. its matured me in areas that i didn't even know needed to be matured. Praise be to God!
• now there's someone new. someone who was not sought out. someone who God just plopped right down in front of me. literally. with a pointing finger and all. hehe :) i don't know how to describe these feelings. at first it was like a whirlwind of excitement because it was completely unexpected. then some feelings grew, and then the next morning they were gone. and then they crept back up and decided to go full-force on me. best friend, brother, and companion; the three best words to describe him. Jesus is using me. i'm His tool. i love God, my one true romancer :)
• its almost one thirty in the morning, i have my first day of school at Vanguard tomorrow. i should be sleeping, but my mom and i had another awesome talk. i love her. she knows me better than i know myself. its scary sometimes. haha. but she's always right in the end. lets hope she's right about her comment today... "you don't want to let this one go, cass". my mother is a miracle. thank you, Jesus, for my mom.
• mary alice, breticus, william, me. a wonderful quartet.
• i started to miss my utah friends so so much today... looking at pictures always does that to me. katelyn, kimmie, amanda, katie, heidi, jen, ash, andrew, trevor, jay jay, preston, derrick, camille, sian, lindsay, noelle, johnny, brit, lou boo, bree, christin, hayley, shanna, charles, eric, hunter, taylor, cache, big joe, michelle, chelsea, jt allred, brett, jessie, meticulous megan, cool chris, blake... i could keep going. i'm sorry if i didn't name you. but i miss you all. dearly.

...what God has willed, what God has planned.